20 NovResponding with heart: the role of professional love in early education
Written by Jannelle Gallagher and Guita Badaoui, Early Education Specialists at Community Early Learning Australia (CELA).
CLICK HERE to read the original article, first published on CELA’s Amplify! blog.
“In 2019, at the end of my teaching career in a community-based preschool, I was gifted a beautiful collection of children’s artworks and stories of their memories of our time together. Many contained messages of ‘love.”
Jannelle Gallagher, CELA Early Education Specialist
It’s not uncommon for children to spontaneously express love to their educators. However, this can leave some educators feeling uncertain about how to respond. For Jannelle, fostering strong relationships with children and their families has always been a priority. She describes her approach as “caring with parental consent”.
Jannelle suggests that responding authentically and prioritising a child’s emotional needs is critical.
“Give a hug, and tell the child they are loved, and you love them,” recommends Jannelle. “In that moment, we provide the secure base the child needs. We match their rhythm with warmth, a gentle smile, and a soft, caring expression.”
This approach aligns with the concept of “professional love,” coined by Dr Jools Page. According to Page, professional love encompasses affection, intimacy, and care, supported by a deep understanding of the complexities of human relationships. It draws on theories such as Attachment Theory and the Ethic of Care, helping educators balance emotional connection with professional boundaries.
Why do children express love for their educators?
Children are naturally inclined to seek close relationships with key people in their lives, particularly those who provide comfort and a sense of security. For children who spend significant time in early learning services, educators often become these key figures. Expressing love is part of their natural drive to connect and feel safe.
The following story by Carol Garboden Murray for Exchange, where a parent recalls a particularly difficult drop-off with her three year old, illustrates this beautifully:
“I walk up to the centre with a knot in my stomach. My daughter is clinging. I’m late for work. Everything about the morning has been hard and emotional. I know separation will be bad. I brace myself as we approach the front door with my daughter’s arms and legs wrapped around me. The teacher approaches, placing one hand on my shoulder and the other on my daughter’s back. With her touch, we both relax. As I transfer my daughter to her, I feel we are all connected. My daughter’s arms and legs wrap just as tightly around her teacher now as they had been around me a few seconds earlier. I’m in awe that it went so smoothly.”
This moment, described as the “triangle of love” by Jools Page, highlights the dynamic relationship between child, parent, and educator. It reflects the trust and connection that form the foundation of early education.
Balancing love and professionalism
Acknowledging a child’s affection is a delicate balance for educators. While nurturing close relationships is essential, maintaining professional boundaries is equally important. Jannelle likens this process to a dance:
“Educators are in a dance with parents, carers, and children. We share close attachments, reciprocal relationships, experiences, emotions, attitudes, histories, and stories. Love is ‘situated’ in our everyday practices in early learning services and embraces the complexities of our work with children.”
For some educators, the concept of love in a professional setting may feel uncomfortable. Carmen Dalli, in her work Re-visioning Love and Care in Early Childhood, advocates for recognising love as a pedagogical tool, challenging outdated perceptions of love as “gendered, soft, and unprofessional.”
Associate Professor Geoff Taggart warns that neglecting to acknowledge the complexity of care risks devaluing an integral part of educators’ work. Professional love requires both intellectual understanding and emotional resilience, and while it may be challenging, it is a critical aspect of effective early education.
Responding with authenticity and care
When a child says they love their educator, it is a moment of trust and connection. Responding with authenticity and care sends a powerful message to the child about relationships. It reinforces their sense of security and belonging while affirming the educator’s role as a trusted figure in their lives.
CELA Early Education Specialist Guita Badaoui explains: “Finding the balance between warm interaction and professionalism is vital. Establishing clear boundaries that nurture a child’s wellbeing makes them feel valued and supported. Acknowledging a child’s affection while supporting them to express their emotions helps educators foster emotional resilience and understanding.”
Guita provides the following strategies educators can use to respond to children with authenticity and care, while maintaining professional boundaries:
- Use warm and friendly tones.
- Speak with gentle words.
- Turn these moments into intentional teaching opportunities to discuss emotions and their meanings.
- Consider non-verbal communication – warm eyes, soft face, gentle touch.
She notes that it is important to focus on affirming qualities in children that are not related to their physical appearance. Avoid making comments about what you love about them physically, such as their smile or eyes, as this can unintentionally shift the focus to external attributes. Instead, highlight and celebrate their unique qualities, behaviours, and contributions, such as their kindness, creativity, sense of humour, or the effort they put into activities. For example, you might say:
- “I love how kind you are to your friends.”
“You always bring so many great ideas to our activities.”
“I enjoy how you make us laugh with your funny stories.”
Ultimately, professional love is a cornerstone of early education, fostering the secure relationships that allow children to thrive. As Jannelle concludes:
“We must not shy away from the complexities of love in our work with children. It is the foundation of our practice, shaping the emotional and developmental outcomes of the children in our care.”
Reflective questions
It is the responsibility of the emotionally resilient practitioner to recognise the challenges this professional closeness brings to their relationship with the child and the tensions it raises for others, including parents, colleagues, managers, etc. How can this be addressed in your early learning service? What policies and practices are in place to guide educators in their journey to explore the notion of professional love in your service? What strategies do you implement to nurture ‘professional love’ in your current practices? We invite you to share your thoughts and reflections with your team.
